22 Nuggets of Thought

In honor of my 22 birthday *cue T-Swifty*, I have decided to share 22 things that I have come to realize over the years.


1. Letting Go- Loosening my grip on things is a constant battle for me. I like to be in control of all the things that happen to me, and when there are elements that I can't manipulate, I am crushed under my self-inflicted pressure. Learning how to trust God, or the universe if you will, is the most rewarding feat. Things will turn around if you pray or will it to be while playing the part that you can.

2. The Mind is Power- Our minds are our most powerful tool. We have the ability to change our perception. When we change our perception, we change our situation, our opportunities, and our solutions. Whenever I'm in conflict, I have to remove myself from my body and look at all elements of my situation as an outsider. This allows me to recognize my mistakes and take the next course of action.

3. Recognizing Mistakes- Apologies used to never be my cup of tea. It is what it is, let's pretend this never happened tomorrow. As a mostly non-confrontational person, that's how I dealt with my own folly, but I cannot express enough how important it is to acknowledge your mistakes. What's done is done, but the damage is dealt. It's important to take responsibility for how you hurt someone because hurtful words or actions can cripple even the people with the toughest skin, but apologizing can start the healing process.

4. Rip Off the Bandaid- First of all, BANDAIDS ARE A TEMPORARY SOLUTION. Whatever you're using to cover up a deep wound, get rid of it. Immediately. You have to disinfect and clean that wound on your heart or it is never going to heal. Sometimes, we distract ourselves from a problem using any means, including drugs, alcohol, and people. They aren't doing anything but prolonging the healing. You can hurt your relationships in the process of healing, but you know what you need and your gut will tell you, LOUDLY. Of course, I recommend that you never put on the bandaid in the first place, but we are all humans seeking some kind of comfort. When ripping off the bandaid, it'll hurt both you and the bandaid – acknowledge it, accept it, start to heal.

5. You Cannot Force Someone to Love You- We all want to be loved a certain way, and when we aren't loved by the people we love, it hurts. This goes along with letting go to prevent yourself from being trapped in a toxic situation. The person you're meant to be with will love you effortlessly, and will never make you feel like your grasping at straws.

6. You Cannot Change People- No one will ever have enough influence to permanently change another independent human being. That person has to make a decision on their own. I've had to learn that instead of putting responsibility on myself for someone's choices, I should just support them from afar. Other peoples' problems are not our burden to carry, no matter how close they are to us.

7. Parents Are Flawed- They're human too. Nuff said.

8. Multiple Soulmates- So maybe this is controversial, but it is my own truth that we have multiple soulmates. A long time ago, my mother told me this, but as a young girl influenced by older Disney Princess movies, I couldn't understand it. As I've gotten older, I've felt it many times. Those people you are immediately drawn to, that understand your soul perfectly through different avenues, those are your soulmates. They can make great friends or lovers, but the choice between the two relationships are ours to make. If you lose a soulmate, maybe your first love, maybe your second, there is still someone for you if your heart is open.

9. Power to Choose- We have the power to choose our future. We don't have to settle. Our paths don't have to be paved out for us. Once you realize how much influence you actually have over your life, the possibilities are endless. You'll feel so free.

10. Give to Give- My lovely coworker/office-roommate/friend taught me this one. Growing up, I'd always been extremely stingy, only looking out for myself. I've always been a hard-worker and definitely earned everything I worked for, but I would never share the fruits of my labor. My friend is the most generous person in the world and she taught me how to give just to give. I'm giving this to you just because I love you. This act of love and kindness is what makes the world a better place, and learning it has made me a better person.

11. Love Without Expecting Anything in Return- Loving people is my favorite thing to do. Feeling loved is so important because it makes a person shine. I've been on the flip side and sometimes I struggle with feeling unloved and unloveable. But if I can make someone feel content by supporting them, just watching them bloom is reward enough. Making people happy is what makes me happy. Smiles are contagious after all.

12. Never Put Your Happiness in Someone Else's Hands- When you rely on someone for happiness, it isn't your own. You're borrowing theirs. You have to find your own happiness, which means a lot of self-care and reflection – find something that you enjoy doing so that you can find contentment in being alone.

13. Put Your Happiness First- This can sound harsh, maybe even selfish, but you can't take care of others if you can't take care of yourself. You can't love others if you can't love yourself. You'll run out of fuel eventually. It's important to pursue our own happiness so we may continue to live. Especially as a young adult, there is only so much we can do for others. If we grow and learn, we'll have more to offer.

14. Babysteps- I am an extremely, extremely, restless human being. If I don't feel like I'm making progress, I implode. We are all born into different circumstances, so we will have different challenges to overcome to attain our goals. It takes sacrifice. You may be a passionate artist stuck in retail or the food industry now, but it's just a temporary mean to survive. One day you will have the career of your dreams, but you can ensure that you get there by practicing and learning all that you can, saving your money, etc.

15. Life Is *Surprise* Not a Race- As Millennials and Gen Z, we were raised thinking life was indeed a race and that every path was the same. That just isn't true. Because of our different circumstances, we have different obstacles (as literally just mentioned – I probably could've included this in baby steps but I'm trying to use as many different points as possible because I'm scared I won't make 22 lol) that pull us in different directions even if we desire the same outcome. I turned out pretty independent myself because I had to be – my parents were both unwilling or unable to help me. So I had to put off school and work my butt off to afford a car so I could get a better job and take myself to school, etc. Anyway, I made my own small successes and while I'm going to graduate much later than the people I grew up with, I'm still going to finish school a stronger, more ambitious person. 

16. Be More Open-Minded- Growing up in a suuuuuuper conservative home, I was always pretty close-minded and kind of judgmental. Over the years, I've opened up and have become more free-spirited. I absolutely believe in taking care of your body, but letting loose is okay!!! And encouraged as long as you know your limits and are comfortable in the situation.

17. You Can Make a Difference- No matter how small you think you are, anyone is capable of making an impact, so we should try to make positive ones. This is something I learned in Colombia. I felt so little working along-side powerful leaders, but they taught me how to have my heart in the right place to love others. Just being a friend to others can make a meaningful difference.

18. Spontaneity- I am a huge planner, I'm always thinking ahead to the next adventure. I have learned to live in the moment, to make spur of the moment decisions (that aren't questionable) to get the most out of life. I feel like planning sometimes puts a little bit of stress on us to actually accomplish the thing we are trying to accomplish, so just seizing the day while you're in it can make you feel lighter and happier.

19. Body Positivity- This has been a lifelong struggle, but I am finally happy. Growing up with an athletic super-star sister, I was often compared to her, especially by my mother. We were the antithesis of each other, I was super girly and I didn't really get involved in sports, instead gravitating to art. I had a different build than my sister too and my mom often interpreted it as heavier. I remember crying in the Aeropostale fitting room when back-to-school shopping because she made me try on pants that were way too big for me because that's what she thought of me. I started starving myself and working out until I passed out every night in my room. One time, I was so hungry I binge ate and took ipecac to throw everything up. Eventually, my best friend in middle school told some of the teachers at school about it and made me see the counselor. That's when I decided to stop, mostly because I didn't like the attention, but they also saw what I saw which was that I was totally normal weight.

I tried to be skinny because I thought I would be loved more, and the fact that I thought that way absolutely breaks my heart still. Rethinking about it and typing it – I'm crying. The mean comments continued even when I was extremely fit and toned until a couple of years ago when I called my mom out on it. The issue is the left-over negative body image from early fashion magazines of being bone-skinny and having narrow hips. That's all that was advertised in the pages so that's what people thought was the picture of beauty. There are so many different body types and all of them are beautiful. This is why representation matters in defeating prejudice.

I've learned to love myself and think of myself as beautiful too and because of it, I regularly take care of me. I feed myself things that make me feel give me energy and make me feel good, and I work out to get the most out of the shell I was given. To me, this is self-love and other peoples' words can no longer affect me.

20. Material Objects- Being involved in the world of fashion and pursuing a career in it, I can easily gravitate towards the material world we built. I have expanded my mind and changed my outlook on material things and realized how little they matter. You can't take it with you when you go. So why should they matter now? Of course nice things are, well, nice. And if you are going to purchase something, I recommend purchasing high quality. Not because of the status it represents, but because it is sustainable. Learning about the harmful effects of fast fashion made me see that quality over quantity should be the priority. I try to buy classic pieces when I shop because I know I can keep them forever.

In another sense I also have found that spending my money on experiences is more rewarding than spending them on things. Memories last forever after all.

21. Defensive Driving- BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS, DON'T TRUST THE OTHER DRIVERS. RIP my two old cars.

22. The World is Bigger Than Us- It's so easy to get caught up in our world and the things that immediately affect us, but the planet is so much bigger than our hometown. I try to travel and see new things a few times a year. My goal is to eventually be able to leave the country at least once per year and to help people wherever I go. The people of the earth are a family, and I wish we could start seeing that without having to undergo alien invasion.

*I'm so sorry if these became scatterbrained, I hate proof-reading and I tried so hard to make 22 points hahahaha.

Here's to 22!